I love how my brain wants to shut down when math heads my way, while my little brother is trying to explain interest rate points with my Mom. He's entering 7th grade.
I love the irony of my father watching Babel yesterday night (and he pauses when the kid is masturbating as I walked into the kitchen to get a drink of water), when the first thing to come out of his mouth after a minute after opening door today is, "You didn't go into the room yet, idiot?" [Mom got out of work early today and we were both in the kitchen]. Of course I respond to that by saying out loud, "Why Hello Mom! How was work today?". Mom replies to him by saying how she's been working since the moment she came back, and how only people who just wants to go to bed would need to go into their room. Then she raps on him on how he's always demanding others to greet him when he doesn't do it himself; he speaks of everyone else but himself. Then I say, "well that's why I said aloud 'Hello Mom'".
I love how she rebukes me while I'm at her request writing an email to Joe Terranova, the kindly lawyer dealing with this whole mess of a house, for always being on the computer. The icing to top it off is that I was using an online dictionary when she said, "Your father is willing to write letters too. I am too, and I would use a dictionary to do it in English. You can't live a single day without using a computer!". This is alos after I've been gone for 50 days with barely any internet access, as she approached me again to read through the email conversations between the other agents.
Ahck, that is so unfair when I scrambled to capture the pinnacle combination of my emotions and decision then left with such a cold, icy feeling as the ideas flew by and you effortlessly unstring my thoughts with your words.
I love how sometimes you can be a total bffl, complete with exaggerations and all and other times you just leave me hanging-- no response, no feedback, no attempt to show that you actually care about what I have to say.
As much as I critique myself, I do not think I am the one being self-centered in this case.
*sigh*
A real relationship is supposed to be two-way. Where's the reciprocation?
I remember those times when we used to write to each other. For some reason, thoughts of you plague me every now and then. Maybe it's because there's always little reminders of you always around. I suppose I don't let go of things easily, not once I've really become attached.
However, I don't suppose you care because now you don't know anything about me, do you? Perhaps if you had somewhat clued me into what you were thinking I wouldn't feel so bitter towards you. Can you blame me for feeling entitled to some explanation as to why you so cut me out of your life? I don't suppose I can forgive you, because I can't fathom the day when I have the guts to say these thoughts to your face.
I don't think I did anything wrong. I am actually glad we kind of went separate ways to grow up-- though I don't know where exactly you stand as of now. If you would only speak to me..
then I wouldn't feel so awkward on those off chances I do see you.
I dunno when you're actually gonna find this, but I'm not going to tell you because as I've realized this summer, you don't comprehend a lot of what I say. Perhaps it's the age difference (and in that, I of course only mean that you're missing the years in experience that comes with age), but you just don't grasp what I say. This annoys me, because I want you to understand, but I can't rush things that should occur naturally. There are some things that only have value when learned on your own. That is also why I will not show you my diaries, because I don't think you will be influenced positively. I don't need my negative thoughts reinforcing yours. But S.lo, I don't see how watching Aqua teen hunger force does anything for you. What did you get out of it? that Christians are crack addicts? psh. I can say that what I watched as a kid your age was much better: you
see for yourself when they run "Family Matters", "Tom & Jerry" and
even "Saved By The Bell". and what are you getting out of this Boondocks cartoon now? to freely use 'bitch' and that this whacked pimp can be taken seriously? ugh. and you can't understand why or how Tom -the father, DA, blah blah- could get kicked out of the house by a woman? well who do you think runs the household? what--you don't think women have a say in matters? Beech, plz. Coming from a household you know so well, I am more than shocked that this crossed your mind. Maybe I misinterpreted your response. (though I rarely misinterpret.) In any case, I decided not to all out bitch your ass. When you're older, please don't become a cold-hearted man. Make all the money you want, but don't forget why -and who- you want to work so hard for.
